I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
