The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
