what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
