there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
