Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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