that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
