my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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