Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Randomize
