there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
