Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
