My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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