Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am available for nakedness
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
