Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
