I'm eating all of the evidence.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
