By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
