You made me cry and you don't even care
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
