Four minutes until I can fart!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have post one night stand depression
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize