Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
