You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
