u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
