It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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