When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
