is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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