Life is so much better after having sex.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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