don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize