I heard we made out
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
