why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
