Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My vagina is officially offended.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
