Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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