i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
