I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
