I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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