people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
