Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
