I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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