We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
