Kareoke will never be a sober sport
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
