then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
