just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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