If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's never too late to be topless.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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