I seem to have left my pride at pride
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
