Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize