is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
