I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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