HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You're so nebulous sometimes
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
