...so i touched it.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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