Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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