I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
