what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
