i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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