Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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