Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I did not marry a roomba.
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