Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
