Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
