You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
