sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
