I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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