i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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