you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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