First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
