NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
