If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
