Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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