If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
