so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
