So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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