Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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