i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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