i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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