I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
