You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
