Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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