i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
