Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
