FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
