Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
